Thursday, January 30, 2014

What dreams may come

There are some dreams that make me wish I could sleep forever.  Like the one I had two nights ago, in which a young woman allowed me to kiss her.  And then there are nightmares like the one where my mother (God rest her soul) walks right past me without even so much as a glance at me after I have waited for hours at the airport.  

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Besides, I'm a smoker, I'll be dead before History can judge me

People who oppose the legal recognition of same-sex "marriage" will be deemed by History to be as stupid as those who once tried to prevent the de-criminalization of interracial marriage.  That's the unsubtle message of this meme.  Oh, yes, the anti-miscegenation parallel just won't die.  On the contrary, it has grown into an unquestioned dogma:  if you oppose the legal recognition of ss'm', then you would have opposed interracial marriage forty (some odd) years ago.  And if you would have been a bigot then, you are most certainly a bigot now.  Because same-sex "marriage" is just like interracial marriage.  Obviously.

Whatever has fueled the growth and popularity of this analogy, it certainly isn't logic.

The analogy fails spectacularly on the gay activists' very own terms.  They are the ones who insist that sexual orientation is a trait just like race.  Fine, let's accept that arguendo, and when we do just that, we cannot help but realize (if and only if we use our minds and not ideological sanctimony, that is) that the laws criminalizing interracial marriage were premised upon the notion that the mixing of certain traits--in this case, the races--is bad, whereas the push for the legal recognition of same-sex "marriage" is premised upon the notion that marriages of mixed sexual orientations are really miserable or, in other words, that the mixing of certain traits--in this case, the sexual orientations--is bad.   So, if you are to follow the logic of this meme, then you were stupid if you opposed the mixing of traits back in the 1960s, and you are stupid now if you oppose exactly the opposite (i.e. the unmixing of traits).

Analogies are supposed to compare things that are alike, but the reasons for opposing interracial marriage and those for opposing the legal recognition of same-sex "marriage" are so different that comparing the two amounts to a basic, fundamental category mistake.  I don't care how History may judge me.  Basic Logic has already rendered its judgement:  This analogy is really stupid.

Monday, January 27, 2014

And is her father's name Max by any chance?

Is it an accident that the surname of the director of a "positive film about abortion" just happens to be 'Robespierre'?

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Just Finished Listening to the Titan

With my speakers cranked at full blast.  I feel manly now.


Yes, of course, the Muslim Brotherhood is going to do all sorts of terrorist attacks.  They are pissed.  Wouldn't you be after you won a democratic election only to have it mowed down by a Military Coup?

Friday, January 24, 2014

Why would you even ask?

Yes, of course, I would just DIE without Mahler.

Best thing I've read all day

"Listen, twenty years ago, it wasn't so cool to have a calculator watch, right?  And spending all day inside playing with your calculator watch sent a clear message that you weren't doing so well socially.  And judgements like 'like' and 'dislike' and 'smiles' and 'frowns' were limited to junior high.  Someone would write a note and it would say, 'Do you like unicorns and stickers?' and you'd say, 'Yeah, I like unicorns and stickers!  Smile!'  That kind of thing.  But now it's not just junior high kids who do it, it's everyone, and it seems to me sometimes I've entered some inverted zone, some mirror world where the dorkiest shit in the world is completely dominant.  The world has dorkified itself."

                                                         --Dave Eggers, The Circle, pp.132-3

Erin Nicely

If you read this, then shoot me an e-mail.

Thursday, January 23, 2014

I'm a vain, petty bastard

My low view count makes me feel like Schopenhauer after he scheduled his class to be at the same time as Hegel's.

What goes around comes around

Gay activists kvetching about the re-defining of a word?  Seriously?  Now that is, as Cartman would say, really fucking gay.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

The News Today

Keith Richards is still not dead.  God knows why.

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

You be the judge

A few months ago I finally found the translation I did of Rilke's "Das Karussell" more than two decades ago. There are few things I've done that I am proud of, and this happens to be one of them. So, since I no longer have a Mommy to post my achievements, however modest they may be, to the refrigerator, I posted it here, to this weblog, hoping it would get some admiring comments. It got none. It did get 646 views. My usual post gets two, perhaps three views. That's something, I guess, but I have no idea whether the 646 number counts my own views or not. So, that unusually (for me) high view count could just be my own pathetic middle-aged narcissism, in which case it isn't 'something' after all but a whole lot of masturbatory nothing.

Anyway, in a brief preface to my translation, I wrote:
I translated this poem simply because I could find no translation that did not make me retch. Robert Bly's made Rilke sound like Hemingway, and others made the poem too treacly. Stephen Mitchell had not deigned to grace it with his god-like powers of transformation. This was back in 1993 before Edward Snow came out with his now acclaimed translations. I still haven't seen what he does with this particular poem, but I'm sure it's better than this.
 Since then I have acquired Mr. Snow's acclaimed translations of Rilke's Neue Gedichte, and as much as my low self-esteem is trying to stop me, I must say that I spoke too soon. Mr. Snow's translation of "Das Karussell" does not suck. But it's bland. And he does not even try to mimic Rilke's rhythm or rhyme scheme, which is as much a part of the picture the poet conjures of the Carousel as the meaning of the words. I am not saying that my translation re-produces Rilke's rhythm and rhyme. By no means. But, at the very least, I made an attempt.

But you be the judge, gentle reader.  Here is the last stanza of Snow's translation followed by my rendition of the same:

And so it goes and rushes to be done,
and only circles and turns and has no goal.
A red, a green, a gray drifting past,
a small, scarcely started profile--.
And oftentimes a smile, turned this way,
elated and blissfully adazzle as it spends itself
on this blind, breathless play...

And now me:

And so it goes--faster, hastening its end,
It circles and it turns and has no aim,
A red, a green, a grey sent around,
A small inchoate outline of a face,
And sometimes we see a smile triumphant
And bless'd that sparkles and is spent
On this blind and breathless game...

And for those who read German, the original:

Und das geht hin und eilt sich, dass es endet,
und kreist und dreht sich nur und hat kein Ziel.
Ein Rot, ein Grün, ein Grau vorbeigesendet,
ein kleines kaum begonnenes Profil -.
Und manchesmal ein Lächeln, hergewendet,
ein seliges, das blendet und verschwendet
an dieses atemlose blinde Spiel . . .

Monday, January 20, 2014

How pussywhipped am I?

I am so pussywhipped that even though I'm a bachelor, who lives alone and has not gone on a date for more than a decade, I still put the toilet seat down after I urinate.

Just kidding.  I put the lid down as well, and not because I think that if I don't, some random beautiful young woman will show up at my door, declare herself to be madly and passionately in love with me, and then stomp out with wild indignation before I can seal the deal because I left the toilet seat up.  I put the seat and the lid down simply because if I don't, my stupid cat will lap up the toilet water.

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Hey, Fort Gondo...

...just so you know (and, perhaps, can make the appropriate corrections) the 28th of January does not fall on a Friday this year.  The next time the 28th of January will fall on a Friday will be 2022, eight years from now.  The poetry of Jeff Hamilton may be good, but I hardly think that his popularity has him so booked up that his next open date will be eight long years from now.

Update:  Fort Gondo has finally corrected the date.  The poetry reading will take place this Friday, the 24th.  (1/22/14)

Saturday, January 18, 2014

And then there is this

Apparently the State of Misery still has a "flag desecration" law on the books, and Missouri's AG for lack of anything better to do is trying to get the Eighth Circuit Court of Appeals to uphold the law's constitutionality.  Even though the Supreme Court made very clear decades ago that such laws run afoul of the First Amendment.

Also, you can't desecrate what is not sacred, and pieces of cloth bearing the symbols of the state are not sacred.  Unless you want to say that the state is holy and its government a church.  But then the doctrine of the Separation of Church and State would be entirely absurd.

Hey, let's all give Chris Koster more work to do.  Let's get a group of ten or so people and go stand in front of the Arch and blow our noses as obstreperously as we can into United States Flag Handkerchiefs.  Let's defile the flag with our snot.

Chris Koster, you can go fuck yourself.

Friday, January 17, 2014

A Future PSA on NBC

Danny Pino:  When you see two men walking down the street with a baby stroller on a sunny day, you may want to go up to them and say what an adorable little baby they have.  Because everyone likes cute babies.

Kelly Giddish:  But as you are trying to give that cute bundle of joy the giggles, please, don't ask the fathers, "Where's the Mommy?"  That says to the couple they are deficient as parents simply because both of them are the same sex.

Danny Pino:  And that is homophobia and bigotry.

Kelly Giddish:  Don't be a heterosexist supremacist.  You'll sleep better at night.

I've read too many legal opinions

How can I tell?  I now know that "conclusory" means the opposite of "conclusive".

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Existential Crisis

There are too many words.  I hate that.  I wish I were a cat.

Monday, January 13, 2014

The March of Justice and Equality

Photographers are fined thousands of dollars for refusing to shoot Lesbian Commitment Ceremonies. Florists are being taken to court for refusing to do floral arrangements for same-sex 'weddings'.  Bakers are threatened with jail for declining an offer to make a wedding cake for a same-sex couple.  Caterers in California apparently still may turn down same-sex "weddings" with impunity.  For now, at least.  I don't know how long that will last.  The denial of one's basic, fundamental right to a catered party is an outrage and should soon be trampled underfoot by the inexorable march of Justice, Equality, and Progress.

I just can't wait to hear the shrill, bloodcurdling cries of indignation when a Christian Bingo Caller refuses to call at a Gay Dads' Baby Shower.  I really can't.

Sunday, January 12, 2014

Die Neue Sportspalastrede


Ariel Sharon is dead.


Just curious

Would anyone be willing to give me a ride to and from the Collinsville Post Office tomorrow?  You  guys from the NSA monitoring me, eh?

Saturday, January 11, 2014

And I might as well admit this

I have viewed a tremendous amount of internet pornography.  Last week-end especially.  That was the week-end of the ungodly snowstorm.  I got snowed in.  My kitchen sink backed up.  I was lonely.  I had cabin fever, and my house was falling apart around me.  The trapped powerlessness was frustrating, and so I tried to remedy this by watching hours of female slavery.  Seeing woman moan and scream just to satisfy my perverse whims would distract me from my humiliating sense of powerlessness.  Yeah, right.

The only way to get any satisfaction out of porn is to obliterate your rational soul and become as indifferent to human suffering as a hyena.  For if you think at all while watching these young women getting slapped, gagged, choked, sodomized, and fucked in the least affectionate and most poundingly brutal way possible, you simply cannot avoid the realization that porn is exactly what Dworkin and McKinnon say it is:  prostitution, exploitation, and slavery.  No self-respecting human being would consent to such degrading treatment.  And if that gives you a power trip, then you are evil.  I was evil.  I am now ashamed.

I have sworn by my Mother's Ashes never to view porn again.

Worth a shot

Miss A., on the very off chance that you read this, will you marry me?  Please?  Pretty please?

Call me a bigot...

...but I still think that the growing momentum in favor of the legal recognition of same-sex "marriage" is proof incontrovertible that this country has finally lost its mind.

Good song, Ms. Hunt, but...

...acceptance is still not good enough for that implies that there is something that needs to be accepted  and that we have the power to accept or reject it.  No one would plea for acceptance for heterosexual marriage as if it were a stranger coming out of the cold.  Heterosexual marriage is a familiar, joyful, and socially necessary given and is celebrated as such.  Full and complete "marriage equality" won't be achieved until same-sex "marriage"  is treated in the exact same way.  We must celebrate same-sex "marriages" as normal, healthy, and socially productive.  Anything short of that, even a lyrical plea for acceptance, still has tainted vestiges of homophobia. So, sorry, Ms. Hunt, but your song doesn't quite meet the criteria demanded by the Riddle Scale.

Thursday, January 9, 2014

No, Laura Higgins, Duck Dynasty and the Truth did not "win"

I've never seen an episode of Duck Dynasty and never will. When I first heard of the enormous popularity of the show, I looked up its entry in the Source of All Knowledge, and my very first reaction was, "What the fuck?!" And that about sums up my reaction now.

But then it became a battle in this tedious culture war, and because I am a lonely, middle-aged blogger with nothing better to do than to rant about the godless evils of this secular age (all the while struggling in vain to resist the temptation to watch Internet Porn), I guess I have a quasi-professional duty to comment on this most recent skirmish between the Forces of Whatever Counts as the Traditional Heartland nowadays and the Evil Pound Scum hellbent to obliterate them. So, in this corner we have a ZZ-Top Wanna-Be, the Bible-Thumper Phil Robertson, and in the other we have the enforcers of Totalitarian Secular Sanctimony, The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation or GLAAD.

The general consensus seems to be that the Bible-Thumper won.  A&E was going to suspend him from the show, but after an outpouring of outrage from the show's shockingly many fans, A&E, obviously worried about a plunge in its ratings and revenue, suspended the suspension.  Democracy won!  Religious Freedom won!  Traditional Biblical Values won, and the evil Sodomites of GLAAD have been smited down!  Allahu Akbar!

And you can show your support for wholesome religious values by paying for Basic Cable and watching all the commercials on Duck Dynasty and, lest we forget, proudly sporting a Duck Dynasty T-Shirt for upwards of twenty bucks!  Capitalism Akbar!

But overlooked in all this delirium of victory is that the victory probably belongs to GLAAD.

Remember, GLAAD thinks that anyone who opposes the legal recognition of same-sex "marriage" is a bible-thumping extremist zealot, an uneducated white hick who is as bigoted against blacks as he is  against gays, and is most likely even more sexually perverted than what he imagines the gays to be.  Phil Robertson denounces homosexuality just because the Bible says he should, as if the Bible were his sole source of thoughts.  He sees no problem with the era of Jim Crow.  And he advises men to go after underage girls.  Phil Robertson is the perfect poster boy for what GLAAD wants all of us to imagine the opponent of the legal recognition of same-sex "marriage" to be, a dirty old racist who uses the Bible to justify his blatant, pathetic bigotry and depravity.

That so many opponents of ss'm' are willing to stand up for an uneducated Bible-Thumping Hick from the Deep South who is alarmingly sanguine about Jim Crow only serves GLAAD'S attempt to smear defenders of traditional marriage as know-nothing religious zealots and not-so-closeted racists.

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Middle Age Sucks!

When you are young and idealistic, a kiss from a beautiful woman is bliss.

When you're fat and middle-aged, bliss is getting your cousin to unclog your kitchen sink free of charge.

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Nothing special today

I'm busy writing crap that will probably never see the light of day.  Then again, Sasha Grey's novel got published.  So, you never know.

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Still Alive

I am too worried about my pipes freezing to focus on writing anything insightful or profound.  The high tomorrow will only be zero, and that's in the city.  I am out in the sticks.  Geez.  Anyway, it's so cold that letting the taps just drip won't suffice to resist a possible freeze.  I must maintain a steady stream.  But I have this extra problem (because God hates me):  my kitchen sink is backed up.  So, if I let the water even trickle out in a thin stream, I'll still have an overflow problem come morning.  Thus, I have to put a bucket under the tap and empty it every hour.  I shan't sleep tonight.

As I said, I am still alive.


Saturday, January 4, 2014


Does life have any meaning, and if so what the deuce is it?

Friday, January 3, 2014

How I'm Feeling Today

I really miss Audrey Hepburn.

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Okay, I'll write something

I don't like 2014 so far.  It's bitterly cold.  I have a headache.  The rich are still getting richer, and the poor--since the Government sees fit to punish them with draconian cuts in the Food Stamp Program, Unemployment Benefits, etc--are not just getting poorer but might well become criminally desperate as well.  Perhaps, the beggars along the Magnificent Mile will rise up against the Indifferent Rich in their Mink Coats and slit their pablum-oozing throats.

That might make for wonderful theatre, giving a pathetic cripple like me, who deeply resents the Schickimickis, a chance to revel in a bit of class-conscious Schadenfreude, but it won't happen.  The Magnificent Mile is too well policed.  What is more likely to happen is this:  the poor will just turn on each other for what little scraps the Arrogant Plutocrats have deigned to leave behind.  And, accordingly, the run-down areas in St. Louis where I often wait for mass transit will become more dangerous.  I might get knifed.

Happy New Year in the United States, the Land of Creative Destruction!

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Looking back

I did get over my Triskaidekaphobia.  Sort of.  I came through 2013 alive.