Abe asked God, "And what if there are only nine righteous souls, O Lord?"
God answered, "Only nine? Well, fuck 'em!"
This culture prizes dogs more than cats. Dogs are understood to be loyal, faithful companions whereas cats are held to be self-absorbed, conniving whiners who if you have a heart attack will wait until you die and start eating you. This understanding demeans cats. Therefore, the federal government should define cats as dogs.