Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Modern Love 2

Scene: A Bar in Massachusetts

Man: Hey, babe.

Woman: (flashes her ring)

Man: Yeah, so?

Woman: Geez, you're dense! I am married, sleezeball.

Man: Yeah, I know, what does that have to do with anything?

Woman: Oh my Gawd! Don't you know that marriage is the voluntary union of two persons as spouses, to the exclusion of all others?

Man: And you think that this definition means that we should not boink?

Woman: Well, duh!

Man: Well, first of all, the "others" in that definition does not refer to "unions", it refers to "spouses" as in "to the exclusions of all other spouses". I don't want to become your spouse. I just wanna fuck you. Second, that definition isn't intended to spell out all the rights and responsibilities of said spouses and, therefore, says nothing about and, hence, is utterly indifferent to our doing the horizontal nasty. I therefore can conclude only that your reading of the definition is blindingly stupid and as such has nothing to do with us right now.

Woman: (Throws her drink in the man's face and stomps out.)

Modern Love

Man: I love you.

Woman: I love you, too.

Man: Well, then, let's do something that will express our love for one another.

Woman: And also our trust and intimacy.

Man: Yes, that, too. Of course. Our trust and our intimacy.

Woman: Well, what do you have in mind? Marriage?

Man: Nah, that's just for financial and legal benefits. I am talking about love! Let's boink!

Woman: You're just not saying this because I look like Jessica Alba in Dark Angel, are you?

Man: No, no, no, oh, no. Not that. I really, really love you, all of you, and that includes your mind, too. You are a very special person to me, and I want to do something very special to, uh, with you.

Woman: But sexual intercourse is special because of its literally creative possibilities.

Man: You mean, you're not on the Pill?

Woman: Just teasing. Oh, you men! Yes, I believe in contraception. I am not an irrational, religious nutter!

Man: Oh, thank God!

Woman: What?!

Man: Just being metaphorical, dear.

Woman: Oh, that's a relief.

Man: But the religious teaching against contraception is really quite silly, isn't it?

Woman: Oh, yes. Just because a human activity has one purpose does not mean it can't be used for other purposes as well.

Man: Very well put. It would be like if someone said walking is for pedestrian transportation and, therefore, using a treadmill is a most blasphemous violation of the natural order.

Woman: Yeah, walking can be put to many different purposes.

Man: Exactly!

Woman: Fine. I need some fresh air. There's just a gorgeous full moon out tonight. Let's just go out for a walk and express our love, intimacy, and trust that way.

Man: Oh, darn.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Raindrops are actually falling outside!!!

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Straussian nihilism?

Fr. Braun is apparently ignorant of classical metaphysics. According to classical metaphysics evil is the absence of Being. Ergo, sin as an instance of evil is an absence of Being, and, hence, the power to sin is the power over nothing. To claim, as this priest does, that the power to sin is the power over God is silly. Or, perhaps, Fr. Braun is really NOT ignorant of the classical metaphysical definition of sin but only appears to be. Perhaps, he does know that sin is an absence of Being, that the power to sin is indeed the power over nothing, and that when he is claiming that this power is the power over God, he is simply announcing in a Straussian way his closet nihilism.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Row, row, row...

I dreamt about my Dad last night. He was cleaning house, more precisely cleaning up what should have been my duty to clean up for he gave me a very cross look as I emerged from my bedroom in what must have been the afternoon. This dream, as dreams often are, was especially vivid, so vivid that for a few seconds of my actual waking I thought my Dad was still alive and that I would soon be in big trouble not just for a messy house but also for smoking in the house and sleeping on the couch so much that I have torn up the upholstery on the cushions. But then I realized that it was only a dream. I really hate dreams.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Nota bene

I am no longer on facebook.

Saturday, July 21, 2012


I promise that I shall update this weblog every fucking day from now on. Even if I have absolutely nothing profound or insightful to say. Which is usually every fucking day.

Life is not a dream

I had a weird dream, which means that I remember having a dream. All dreams are weird. Anyway. I drempt that I married Allyson Hannigan. Weird. It was also a rather pleasant dream. I really didn't like waking up to discover it was not true.