Friday, April 15, 2016

What if the Left tried to enforce "gender identity"

Scene:  In front of two restrooms at a public library.  A person is between both of them, guarding their entrances.

A man approaches.

Guard:  Good day, Person.  You need to use the facilities?

Man:  Er, yes.  If you will excuse me, er--

Guard:  Just a moment, Person.  For security reasons I have to ask you a few questions.

Man:   Look, I really have to--

Guard:   This will only take a few seconds.  Perverts have been deliberately using the wrong bathrooms, thinking they are making some kind of clever social experiment, and we need to make sure that you are using the rest room that matches your true gender identity.

Man:  My what?  Come on, just let me use the men's room.

Guard:  Oh, you identify as a man?

Man:  Huh?   Of course, I am a man.  Are you blind or what?

Guard:  Not the question I asked, Person.  Have you always identified yourself as a man?

Man:  Look, I'm a man.  Just let me--

Guard:  Again, that's not what I asked, Person.  Have you always identified yourself as a man?

Man:  I don't know.  I never thought about it.  But I'm a man.  Let me use the men's room, PLEASE!

Guard:  Why do you think you're a man?

Man:  BECAUSE I HAVE A PENIS, YOU FUCKING IDIOT, THAT'S ABOUT TO GUSH IF YOU DON'T MOVE OUT OF MY WAY.

Guard:  Shh!  This is a library, Person.

Man:  Oh, sorry.  But did I give the right answer?

Guard:  No.  That was a wrong and very bigoted answer, Person.  Women have penises, too.  (Man is about to slug the guard, but Guard pulls out his gun).  Calm down, Person, calm down. Remember, this is a library.  No violence in this bastion of learning.

Man:  Sorry, but can't you see that I really have to go?

Guard:  I understand that, Person.  But the human being doesn't live by biological functions alone.  The human needs an identity, and we still have not sorted yours out.  Now, try again.  Think this time.  Why do you think you are a man?

Man:  (reduced to tears)  Because I have a deep, low voice?  Will that do?  Please, please, let that be the right answer, please!

Guard:  No, you just misgendered Caitlynn Jenner, and that's transphobic bigotry.

Man:  Because I dress like a man?  Come on, please, presentation is all that matters in transland, right?

Guard:  Person, that is transstereotyping.  And butch Lesbians don what bigots deem to be (does air quotes) "masculine" attire.  You should be ashamed of yourself, bigot.

Man:  FUCK IT:  I'M A MAN BECAUSE SOCIETY WITH ITS RIGID GENDER ROLES HAVE STRAITJACKETED ME INTO THINKING I WAS A MAN, BUT I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A BUTCH LESBIAN WOMAN WITH HER OWN NATURAL STRAP-ON.  BUT EVIL HETERONORMATIVE,  HETEROSEXIST, TRANSPHOBIC SOCIETY ALWAYS STIFLED MY TRUE IDENTITY.  THANKS FOR FINALLY GIVING ME AN OPPORTUNITY FOR THIS SOUL-CHANGING CATHARTHIS!

Guard:  Excellent, Ma'am.  This way, Ma'am.  (Points to the Ladies' Room.  Man rushes in.  Thereafter, all kinds of shrieks emanate from the Ladies' Room.  It sounds like something from a Freddy Krüger film.)  Sorry about the disturbance, folks, but we just got a new born-again identity.  CAN I GET AN AMEN!

No comments: