Tuesday, August 20, 2013

A friendly message to my Latvian Readership

I was joking when I wrote that I would not marrying Amanda Bynes.  Actually, I should not have written that at all.  It was worse than a bad joke because it wasn't a joke at all.  It was simply quite stupid.  My only consolation is that no one is reading this weblog except really bored Latvians, whom I will never ever meet and in front of whom, therefore, I shall never ever be embarrassed for the really boneheaded things I write here.

So, let me say something that's really boneheaded.  Even though I do not want to marry Ms. Bynes, there is some other young Hollywood Star, who would not bother pissing on me if she saw me on fire, whom I very much would like to marry, Aubrey Plaza.  I love her.  Why?  She's lovely.  She's smart.  She has yet to be committed to a psych ward, and she played Daria Morgendorffer in a fake trailer (that should be made into a feature-length film, if, that is, there is any justice in this sick, sad world, but, then again, as Ms. Morgendorffer herself would say, there is no justice in this sick, sad world).

I've had a crush on Ms. Morgendorffer since 1997.  A cartoon character.  Not only that, a cartoon character who is underage.  She reaches majority at the end of the series, to be sure, but that still makes me sick and sad.

But, then again, in the trailer Ms. Plaza's Ms. Morgendorffer is 28.

Latvians, you really must be really, really bored.

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