Harold Pinter, the British Playwright known for his terseness, expressed in his Nobel Prize acceptance speech a desire to work as a speechwriter for Our Dear Leader. Below is the speech he wanted to write for W. Pinter captures the very essence of Bush der Zweite and with words small enough that even the subliterate fratboy himself could not fuck up (well, fine, he might trip up on "electrocution"):
God is good. God is great. God is good. My God is good. Bin Laden's God is bad. His is a bad God. Saddam's God was bad, except he didn't have one. He was a barbarian. We are not barbarians. We don't chop people's heads off. We believe in freedom. So does God. I am not a barbarian. I am the democratically elected leader of a freedom-loving democracy. We are a compassionate society. We give compassionate electrocution and compassionate lethal injection. We are a great nation. I am not a dictator. He is. I am not a barbarian. He is. And he is. They all are. I possess moral authority. You see this fist? This is my moral authority. And don't you forget it.