Monday, April 7, 2008


I can't let this Seventh of April pass without noting the seventy-fifth anniversary of the repeal of that Great Atrocity of Very Rude Puritan Imposition, better known as Prohibition. Anheuser-Busch tonight halted production and threw a party for its employees. What better way to celebrate the return of Anacreontic Mirth to this country than to stop the making of that vile Donkey Piss AB has the effrontery to call beer, if only for a few hours. I hope the employees gave the day its proper honor by drinking, say, bottles of Rolling Rock from the days before AB bought it out. It was not Bush's imperious and arrogant foreign policy that made me a strident Marxian leftist. After all, the Buchananites opposed the war from the gitgo, too, and, besides, the U.S.A. has had an imperious and arrogant and predatory foreign policy since Manifest Destiny. Bush has merely been the most blatant about it since that racist bigot Teddy Roosevelt. What made me a leftist was AB's buy-out of Rolling Rock. That convinced me that naked capitalism has utterly no respect for common decency and taste. Capitalism, like Budweiser, is nothing more than really putrid urine and deserves its place in the toilet, which is where subliterate MBA majors usually end up regurgitating their Bud anyway.

Sorry for the rant. Tonight should be a night of rejoicing. But, please, do so with something like Blue Moon or, if you are financially strapped, PBR. Eschew Budweiser. And don't grab Keystone, either. The only reason for Keystone is to make college freshman girls pliant. Keystone is truly ontological darkness.

But if you have Blue Moon or some other genuine beer, get plastered!

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